The Plastic CatWords of advice (4.12.2005, 21:05 UTC)
Rubbing your eye after applying mozzie repellant is really, really painful. Mixing Party pills with ecstasy makes you look like Ciara did on Sunday.
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The Plastic CatGold and Glitter (25.11.2005, 09:08 UTC)
Like a man with too many shopping bags & an iPod on random, I’m trapped in a nightmare of “X-Files Theme Tune” proportions, as the office glitter-themed Christmas party unfolds with the grim inevitability of a hanging. Awkward conversations with tinsel-wigged middle-management, observations glib from gleaming besashed administrative staff, ...
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The Plastic CatEyes on the ground (22.11.2005, 01:05 UTC)
As a magnet for unusual events, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised by the strange and unusual things that constantly happen to me or in front of me, but I continue to be amazed by it. A moment ago at the traffic lights outside my office, a couple were arguing. Suddenly ...
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The Plastic CatBefore I forget… (15.11.2005, 01:05 UTC)
About 18hrs into the 24hr Movie Marathon, taking a break between films, Redking crouched to sit on the curb beside me as I lit a cigarette. It was then that I seized the opportunity of a lifetime and farted on his head. A nice big noisy one, right on his ...
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The Plastic CatThought Police (8.11.2005, 05:06 UTC)
Its been years since I was sixteen and had recently broken-up with someone, ten years in fact. But lucky old me, I got to relive that feeling all over again on Saturday night when Mr. Ex decided that though we are now ‘friends’ we aren’t ‘friends’ enough. I got the ...
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The Plastic CatHallowe’en Party (7.11.2005, 01:04 UTC)
What was I thinking?
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The Plastic CatRemember, Remember (4.11.2005, 05:11 UTC)
“Guy Fawkes Night … celebrates the failure of the Gunpowder Plot, in which a group of Catholic conspirators, led by the eponymous Guy Fawkes, attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament in London on the night when Protestant King James I (James VI of Scotland) was within its walls.” And ...
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The Plastic CatA lesson learned (3.11.2005, 01:05 UTC)
Last night I took a chunk out of my finger by opening a packet of painkillers with a carving knife. As a result I was in more pain than when I had started, but the injury to my hand made it impossible to open the drugs to relieve my pain. Now ...
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The Plastic CatThe 24Hr Movie Marathon (1.11.2005, 05:04 UTC)
Packing more fatty treats than the secret fatty treat stash of Tina McFat, fat cousin of Michelle McManus, we all gathered outside an old cinema in Avondale on Saturday for this year’s 24Hr Movie Marathon! From 6pm Sat to 6pm Sun we were treated to an uninterrupted stream of horror, comedy, ...
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The Plastic CatThe Campest Headcase / Bored with Candida (26.10.2005, 00:04 UTC)
1. Hmm, feeling a little bit uncomfortable, maybe my jeans are too tight…. 2. Warm sensation, feeling increasingly uncomfortable and wiggling in my seat. 3. Oooch, it BURNS. 4. Right, that’s it! I’m off to get some fanny cream. 5. Quick run to the loo. 6. HoOOOooh much better, soooooothing.
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The Plastic CatThis Weekend I Did (25.10.2005, 00:06 UTC)
The Zorb The Luge Blackwater Rafting A Bungy Swing The Hot Pools And floated around on a badly inflated child’s toy like some German tourist Click here for more Labour Weekend Photos
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The Plastic CatThe Campfire Headphase / Boards of Canada (21.10.2005, 00:21 UTC)
Into the Rainbow VeinWelcome to The Campfire Headphase; Chromakey DreamcoatAaah guitars! No wait, guitars on a tape recorder with flat batteries. Phew; Satellite Anthem IcarusAaah guitars! A bit too Air for my liking, and I like Air. Where are the children counting backwards? Peacock TailThere’s something else going on here. Still, it all ...
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The Plastic CatBlonde Wig + Alcohol = (17.10.2005, 04:09 UTC)
Click for more of this blonde Bondshell …
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The Plastic CatA spa forever (14.10.2005, 00:10 UTC)
I never met a masseuse I didn’t like, in fact I really fancied one for a while. In New Zealand, with their pro-prozzie laws, boys can visit as many saunas, steam rooms, massage parlors and brothels (for sauna, steam room, and massage parlor: please read brothel) as often as they ...
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The Plastic CatAfternoon MSN Conversation #476 (12.10.2005, 04:16 UTC)
Redking: Tip of the day: Keyboard shortcuts in OSX Phixx: thanks Redking: DONT MENTION IT Phixx: no really, THANKS A LOT…. Phixx: CUNTFACE Phixx: HAHAHAHA Redking: I THINK BLOCK CAPITALS ARE THE NEW LOWERCASE Phixx: THEY SURE ARE Redking: IM GOING TO WRITE A BOOK CALLED THAT AND ITS ALL GONNA BE LIKE THIS. ACTUALLYMAYBEILLWRITEITWITHNOSPACESASWELLITLLKINDOFBENAARTPROJECT Phixx: Graeme came over ...
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The Plastic CatBlack People That I Hate (12.10.2005, 00:16 UTC)
Halle Berry Will Smith Denzel Washington Martin Lawrence Cuba Gooding Jr Chris Tucker Bill Cosby Queen Latifah Mekhi Phifer 50 Cent
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The Plastic CatA Lovely Day in Auckland (10.10.2005, 08:14 UTC)
One crack of lightning, a single peal of thunder, then rain. Welcome to a Saturday in Auckland in the Springtime, where the weather is both shite & pissing down. This does not stop my trying to have a simply lovely day, and that’s precisely what I set out to do. Redbeast ...
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The Plastic CatAnimal Update (7.10.2005, 00:11 UTC)
Sharks Fish Snakes … … On a Plane Crocodiles Monkeys Giraffes Hippos Penguins Elephants Dogs
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The Plastic CatIn Praise of Instrumentals (6.10.2005, 12:15 UTC)
If nothing else, I do not have syphilis. I repeat my name to the nurse, explain its origin, smile politely at the paperback history of Ireland she is reading, its Leon Uris-style cover disappointingly free of fists or shamrocks. I put in my earbuds, grip the soft leather ball, present a ...
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The Plastic CatA Synopsis (5.10.2005, 08:12 UTC)
Name: Redking. Here I am: Age: 25. Location: Auckland, NZ. Works: IT Bits & bobs. Comments are fixed you anonymous posters. Redesign to be begun in earnest, then dropped at the merest hint of sunshine …
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The Plastic CatKia Ora, Once More (4.10.2005, 04:12 UTC)
“There is a whole lot of places in the world where there might be Muslims hiding … Let’s say someone got burnt off an electric toaster three years ago. Should we have warnings and tell everyone? You have to be reasonable.” Perhaps she curls a lock of hair around a ...
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The Plastic CatLife in a Cul-de-sack (26.9.2005, 08:14 UTC)
You noisy, noisy BASTARDS, screaming your drunk heads off outside my door, punching the heads off one another on my lawn, parking in my driveway and throwing your KFC wrappers and empty bottles in my garden. Threaten me will you? Promise to knock my block off for witnessing you crash ...
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The Plastic CatDawn of See-Ra (13.9.2005, 00:08 UTC)
Ding dong, the dick is dead, and Ciara is on her way. Yes, The Asshole of the Year trophy holder 1996-2005, aka housemate #4 has decided to move out and Her Royal Ciara-ness will take his room and hopefully, all malodours aside, she’ll love our beautiful house. Although we’re very excited ...
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The Plastic CatSummer Holiday (1.9.2005, 04:06 UTC)
The summer after I turned 14 I spent 3 weeks, like I had the four years previously, at a Gaelteach (GALE-ThOCK) with another hundred or so kids. Sorry, young adults. Here, like any summer camp, anywhere, (regardless the reason you attended) you ultimately spent your time getting up to mischief ...
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The Plastic CatMultiple choice (16.8.2005, 00:07 UTC)
1. You return to your shared house from your girlfriend’s place at 7am on Sunday morning, do you: A. Slip quietly into bed beside your ‘real’ girlfriend. B. Creep in the door, try to make yourself a cup of tea, fall asleep in the fridge. C. Slam the door, sing Bjork badly, scream ...
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The Plastic CatWhat’s left to wear? (1.8.2005, 04:06 UTC)
Trinny and Susannah may be tossers, but they do speak the truth sometimes; there are just some things about personal style that everyone should know, and adhere to. You know, like fat people should never wear horizontal stripes; bat-wing jackets only suits bats; people wearing ponchoes should ...
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The Plastic CatA new job for redbeast (18.7.2005, 00:04 UTC)
In a huge studio brimming with creativity, housing more equipment and software than I know what to do with (I said I did), I shook hands with my now new boss, signed contracts and shared pleasantries about the coming weekend and the amount of work they would have for me ...
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The Plastic CatStick a fork in me… I’m done (1.7.2005, 04:06 UTC)
I just farted in my boss’s office. She was there at the time and I’m pretty sure she heard it and smelt it. I don’t care though, I couldn’t give a toss because today is my last day in Officeland. Yep, I’ve told the c unt that I quit, ...
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The Plastic CatA book cover (28.6.2005, 04:05 UTC)
Her name is Penelope and she works in the bank. She’s rough around the edges, inside the edges too from what I can see. You know the look: the baggy eyes; small face and; tiny short-fingered hands dotted with calluses and scrapes. Her hair is messy, yellow, ...
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The Plastic CatBad words (15.6.2005, 00:05 UTC)
During today’s argument with my boss I called her a bully, a child and a bitch. The argument ended when I called her a C unt. I shouted it. At my boss.
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