The Land of IrelandHipple Hobbles People (17.12.2005, 10:47 UTC)
Last week the Land Of Ireland related the story of polite and articulate Bray reveller Peter Hipple who the Bray People newspaper reported had appeared at Bray District Court in relation to a drink-fuelled melee. The paper had explained how Hipple, suspected by a Garda of drunkenness, and threatening, abusive and insulting behaviour, told the Garda 'I don't wholeheartedly agree, but that is my
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The Land of IrelandLabour Deputy Leader Liz McManus, Hello, Hello, Hello. (16.12.2005, 20:39 UTC)
A fulsome Céad Míle Fáilte to Irish Labour Party Deputy Leader Liz McManus, whose office at Dáil Éireann seems to have visited The Land Of Ireland this evening. The Bray, County Wicklow, parliamentarian, who claims on her blog to have slept through Bray's very own 2.6 Richter earthquake last Wednesday morning, is a recent convert to Blogger. Liz luvvie, you're very welcome. As I tried
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The Land of IrelandIf You Go Down To The Shops Today... (15.12.2005, 21:36 UTC)
You may get some nasty shocks — especially if you're unlucky enough to stray into an English-owned retailer. Vodafone, the mobile telephone operator with the garish publicity and oikish sports-related marketing, is not the place to go if you want to replace your housebound mother's ageing mobile phone. If your mum has an existing Vodafone account and wants to upgrade to a newer handset, the
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The Land of IrelandA Message From Martin Luther King (15.12.2005, 18:26 UTC)
I always hated the smell of cottonfields in the morning. Set my people free, Praise The Lord. Close to the dawn of time, my people, the people of colour, black people, Afro-Caribbean people, colonized darkest Africa when no-on else, no other race, wanted it. Since those mistiest of times, other races, other nations, have gone to Africa, seen it, tried it, and then they've left again, and still
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The Land of IrelandThe Trash Next Door With The Smoky Fire Want More Nuclear Power (13.12.2005, 06:17 UTC)
Our sloppy, soap opera neighbours with the lax grammar, loose morals, test tube babies, and an answer for everything, want another nuclear reactor. As one of their brighter journalists Richard Littlejohn says, you couldn't make it up. They can't even keep their oil tank from going on fire! I wouldn't want to go walking in THEIR AIR. Nuclear neighbours, no thanks.
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The Land of IrelandArticulate Bray Man Impresses Judge (11.12.2005, 12:13 UTC)
Down in County Wicklow, Bray District Court's Judge Murrough Connellan is a man who's heard every obscene expletive imaginable. The Bray People newspaper regularly reports testimony Gardaí have given Justice Connellan's court of the rude and nasty things drunken yobs, shoplifters and non-nationals say to them in the course of their duties. Some of it would be enough to make Twenty Major
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The Land of Ireland'Tis The Season to Be Shopping... (10.12.2005, 14:16 UTC)
And besides, at 11 to 14° centigrade the weather is too good to be stuck indoors blogging solitarily away like United Irelander and upsetting the wimmin. But only just. Keep a lookout for upcoming news of the Christmas programme of seasonal entertainment at the Watershed Club — 'Incest. The Fun Game For All The Family'.
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The Land of IrelandDead Lefty Nobel Poet Admits Raping Untouchable Beauty (4.12.2005, 20:12 UTC)
Leftists everywhere will have been disappointed to learn earlier this year that Salvador Allende, the Chilean Socialist President deposed and killed in a military coup led by General Pinochet in September 1973, was 'an anti-Semite who held fascist ideas in his youth'. 'The book Salvador Allende: Antisemitism and Euthanasia, will shock those around the world who revere the late president as a
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The Land of IrelandIrish Ferries Movie Update — Apocalypse Now And Again (3.12.2005, 17:24 UTC)
The Land of Ireland last week carried exclusive speculation that an Irish film director may be about to remake Francis Ford Coppola's 1979 classic Vietnam war movie Apocalypse Now. Coppola's celluloid masterpiece featured Martin Sheen as US army Captain Willard sent into the Cambodian jungle on a mission to eliminate highly-decorated Green Beret hero Colonel Kurtz (Marlon Brando) who has defected
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The Land of IrelandWatershed Club To Go Nuclear (2.12.2005, 21:08 UTC)
The weather in the land of Ireland has turned noticeably milder in recent days after the brief cold spell in late November. Daytime temperatures have been around 10°C in the later part of the week, but more north winds, cold and frost are on the way. In a piece of timing that may have been inspired by British New Labour information management, the Watershed nightclub and pleasure centre where my
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The Land of IrelandMovie Rumours — The War Of Irish Ferries (27.11.2005, 20:00 UTC)
The Land of Ireland is trying to verify talk that film director Jim Sheridan is to make a film about the Irish Ferries dispute. We have heard that the film is to be called Apocalypse Now 2! The original Apocalypse Now movie by director Francis Ford Coppola starring Martin Sheen was set in wartorn Vietnam and based on the Joseph Conrad story Heart Of Darkness. I can just see Charlie Sheen
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The Land of IrelandIrish Ferries — Monkeys Managed By Ignoramuses (26.11.2005, 11:16 UTC)
When I worked on Irish Ferries from 1993 to 1996, the ships' able seamen and motormen referred to their officers as monkeys. The officers regarded themselves as an elite group. Officers and ratings alike seemed to regard the shore-based management as pretty clueless administrators with little better to do with their days than draft memos about the cost of toasters. Irish Ferries shareholders,
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The Land of IrelandWeather In The Land Of Ireland... (25.11.2005, 18:55 UTC)
is colder than a witch's tit at the moment.
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The Land of IrelandAndrew Lloyd Webber — An Appreciation (21.11.2005, 06:58 UTC)
Heh, heh, heh! Not even over David Essex's dead body. I knew I shouldn't have turned on RTE Radio 1 too early this morning.
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The Land of IrelandDark Delta's Bottoms Out At The Watershed (19.11.2005, 17:54 UTC)
Passersby in Dublin and readers of the newly down-market Irish Independent were shocked and upset this week to discover a city-centre nightclub openly advertising employment for a 'topless barmaid'. The Garden of Eden exotic dancer pub and club, which opened last year, is located on Eden Quay alongside the river Liffey which cleaves the city north from south. A neatly printed sign at the entrance
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The Land of IrelandEditorial — Let's Invade Scotland (18.11.2005, 20:22 UTC)
The four-eyed little gum-chewing Scottish git Alex Ferguson has finally got his retaliation in on the Irish by ignominiously dumping Irish sporting genius Roy Keane from the ailing Manchester United football team today. Ferguson later made his contempt for Keane plain when he referred to him as a 'servant'. The club's other former star David Beckham left for Spain after the same manager injured
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The Land of IrelandOhmigod! (11.11.2005, 20:13 UTC)
'The mighty church has fallen from grace because of its failure to protect children. The first response of the State must be to state unequivocally that the special relationship is no more and to take steps to demonstrate that disconnect between State and church. From now on, with that veil of deference removed, the State can deal with the church authorities in the same way as it would with any
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The Land of IrelandOhmigod! Taoiseach Savages Critic With Blurring Speed (11.11.2005, 20:13 UTC)
'The mighty church has fallen from grace because of its failure to protect children. The first response of the State must be to state unequivocally that the special relationship is no more and to take steps to demonstrate that disconnect between State and church. From now on, with that veil of deference removed, the State can deal with the church authorities in the same way as it would with any
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The Land of IrelandFrance Isn't Working? (11.11.2005, 18:11 UTC)
With law, order, and civility apparently in decline in French cities, and the spendthrift bureaucratic French State looking increasingly dysfunctional, London blogger Mark Rogers, who has lived in France, made some thoughtful reflections on the state of French society, after a return visit to the rude, vain, opinionated city of Paris last September for the Prix De l'Arc De Triomphe.
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The Land of IrelandDon't Leave Me This Way... (8.11.2005, 21:16 UTC)
I hope my weekend journey into extreme satire didn't totally alienate anyone. It was a fiction inspired by real events, (or so I've heard).
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The Land of IrelandBobo's Own Private Watershed Restores Hope (6.11.2005, 11:18 UTC)
Some women are a total disgrace to themselves, their sex, and the species. That's why I love them so much. This place has been like Ellis Island for the past couple of weeks as my old mate Bobo has been sending over 'girls' from the Watershed Club where he works, for me to 'give English grinds to'. I've had girls from as far away as Goa and Szechuan, as well as nice Caucasian girls from exotic-sounding places like Latvia, Moldova, Macedonia and Kirghistan. They'd do anything for money. They'd ...
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The Land of IrelandPaatrick (sic) Gets a Criminal Record (5.11.2005, 12:26 UTC)
Regular visitors may recall the line 'Me and Liam Lawlor.. will never buy another paper'. My faithful lackey Bobo wrote those words to me in a text message last week, and I duly reported them in a post about his great new job at the Watershed Club down in the city, somewhere near gangland. Bobo is a man of his word. He got nabbed trying to shoplift an Irish Times from a well-known O'Connell
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The Land of Ireland'The Owl And The Pussy-Cat Went To Sea... (4.11.2005, 19:20 UTC)
In a beautiful pea-green boat' wrote Edward Lear. 'They took some honey, and plenty of money wrapped up in a five pound note.' All clear so far. 'The Owl looked up to the stars above, and sang to a small guitar, "O lovely pussy! O Pussy, my love! What a beautiful Pussy you are,— you are, you are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!" ', he continued. What can this man's inspiration have been? To be continued.
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The Land of Ireland'Bless The Squire And His Relations... (30.10.2005, 14:24 UTC)
and keep us in our proper stations' (Old English rhyme) A text message has arrived from Bobo, who used to do all the work around here. He says the best thing about having a proper job is not having to buy the daily papers and go on the 'bleedin' internet' to look for work. 'Me and Liam Lawlor, mate, will never buy another paper', he wrote. Bobo also discovered that if there isn't a job to match
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The Land of IrelandThe Land Of Ireland Sues For Peace (29.10.2005, 11:16 UTC)
Big changes are under way at The Land Of Ireland. Bobo, who used to help out a bit around here, has gone and got himself a job, thereby both confounding his critics and surprising himself. That means your editor will actually have to write some stuff himself if The Land of Ireland is not to degenerate into a failed blog. Bobo has started working as a cashier down in the city at some sleazy
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The Land of IrelandThe Bridge Builder (23.10.2005, 19:48 UTC)
— a poem by Will Allen Dromgoole An old man, going a lone highway,Came at the evening, cold and gray,To a chasm, vast and deep and wide,Through which was flowing a sullen tide.The old man crossed in the twilight dim —That sullen stream had no fears for him;But he turned,when he reached the other side,And built a bridge to span the tide. "Old man," said a fellow pilgrim near,"You are wasting strength in building here.Your journey will end with the ending day;You never again must p...
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The Land of IrelandBritain's Two Nations — And The Irish Six Counties (23.10.2005, 09:48 UTC)
This weekend's Fianna Fáil Ard Fheis in Killarney, County Kerry, has brought together people from all Ireland's communities and every walk of life to celebrate the success of good governance and the hard work of the Irish people, together contributing to sustainable growth in prosperity balanced across regions and bridging the urban rural divide. Since Fianna Fáil entered government in 1997, unemployment has halved, the economy has almost doubled in size, and public spending on healt...
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The Land of IrelandGreystones Marina Plans Revealed To A Sceptical Public (21.10.2005, 20:50 UTC)
Visiting Greystones, County Wicklow, produces a mixture of joy and anguish at times. Your Editor took a Dart electric train south from Dublin to the town at the end of the line today to visit a public consultation, presentation, and exhibition of plans for a new marina, commercial and residential development proposed for Greystones North Beach area. Wicklow County Council has formed a Public
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The Land of IrelandMove On, Boys. (19.10.2005, 08:36 UTC)
So. The squad that played soccer for the Republic of Ireland failed to give its supporters the result they wanted in the World Cup campaign. And the manager has not been offered another contract. Yeah, right. So what! The FAI boys may represent the Irish nation at soccer, but we can all spit and swear, throw shapes and tantrums, look ugly, grow moustaches, and do our mammies proud. We can all
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The Land of IrelandA Poem For Twenty Major (or whatever you can afford) (16.10.2005, 19:54 UTC)
How Did You Die? a poem by Edmund Vance Cooke Did you tackle that trouble that came your wayWith a resolute heart and cheerful?Or hide your face from the light of dayWith a craven soul and fearful?Oh, a trouble's a ton, or a trouble's an ounce,Or a trouble is what you make it,And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,But only how did you take it? You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what's that!Come up with a smiling face.It's nothing against you to fall down flat,But to lie the...
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